Today’s news of Robin Van Persie finally giving in to the lure of the mighty Manchester United got me thinking. What exactly is wrong with this Arsenal FC that all their best players keep running away? I think I may have pinpointed 5 key reasons.
1. Nobody wants to have to share a dressing room with Emmanuel Frimpong and listen to his confused way of speaking.
2. Arsene Wenger reminds players of their grumpy physics teacher from school, and football players generally do not like school.
3. Dusty shelves and silent stands means The Emirates resembles a library, and football players generally do not like the library.
4. Private Doctors are advising players to escape from The Emirates due to the psychological impact of being a professional sportsman who hasn’t won a thing in your life.
5. Arsenal pay peanuts. Arsenal players get seriously embarrassed when they drive to their mates to the cinema in a Ford Fiesta.