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Tuesday, November 29, 2011 1


After watching that YouTube clip of the deranged racist mother preaching on how being black and being British are mutually exclusive concepts, I too feel a strong desire to rant on all things Croydon Tramlink. 10 years of riding that New Addington to Wimbledon line can bring out the worst (and best) in people:

Early Morning Hero: Picture the scene of circa. 400 people aboard one of London's only Trams. It's a mix of: the unemployed getting ready to be the first at the Job Centre, office workers, school boys and girls playing music far too loud through their headphones (Me) and an Early Morning Hero. The Early Morning Hero is a charming man of integrity. Unfettered by matters of practicality, the Early Morning Hero asserts authority when asking, then pleading, and then DEMANDING that people “Move Down!” the already capacity tram. His aim is to make room for those not smart enough to walk to a prior stop or catch the bus.

Friendly Randomer: This could range from a friendly old lady to an over friendly (probably drunk) young man. Unlike that species from YouTube they say and do stuff which are funny and friendly. On my last tram ride one such Friendly Randomer was singing out for everyone to enjoy.

The Free Loader: The advent of the tram gave rise to a new breed of people, The Free Loader. Due to the unique payment method, such people soon clocked that one could potentially surf from one end of South London to another completely free off charge. To spot this sly creature take a look near the mechanical doors. They hover around this region, steadfastly lurking for oncoming inspectors, ready to leap at the cry of “Tickets Please”.

Failed Pilot: Probably as a result of the huge amount of levers and buttons around them, such a driver begins to play the role of an airline pilot, using the speaker system a bit too often.

Night-Time Predator: Ladies, next time you are in between West and East Croydon on a Friday night look out for this guy. He is a womaniser looking to approach any female yet to meet up with her friends for their night on the tiles, to see what may bear fruit.

The 'where are they?' People: These are total strangers who you have been getting on the morning tram with for years. You are now familiar with all ties and blouses as well as their choice of newspaper. If you don't meet at least 10 of these folk one particular morning... you are definitely going to be late.

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